I just walked in from job shadowing. I have to record initial reactions from the past couple of days or so before things get less fresh.
I'm exhausted.
In the past two days I shot a protest, was reprimanded by a cop, slept short hours, traversed the state, ate little to nothing (in my neurotic hypoglycemia world), worked alongside a photojournalist professional, shot high school football for the first time, shot with a
long lens for the first time, shot with a
D2H for the first time, sprinted to the scene of a midnight accident, was cussed out and threatened for photographing, connected with talented and dedicated news visionaries (yeah,
visionaries, real live everyday brilliant
existing people without whom I would not feel the way I do right now), crashed a hasty four hours, trucked it back to Mt. P., immediately re-focused on home paper assignments for the new day...
...and came home with not a single photo I really like. Visually, I tanked. At this point I'm not enthused about the images I made; I also might disgust the realists with the small corner of things that I experienced and the big way that I feel from it, but I went and I saw and heard and I sweat and I learned and I am doing it.
This is what I want - and I know right now what I sometimes forget - that I will, I
will get better - I
will make the kind of images I've always drooled over in
National Geographic and
TIME and
LIFE and
The New York Times - there are so many days when I feel that I can't and I never will but regardless of where I do, I can.
I will make pictures that matter.